The term "sympathy" originally comes from Latin. It describes a spontaneous affection towards a person on an emotional level. A reflexive aversion is also possible, referred to as "antipathy." Sympathy describes the ability of a person to sympathize with both the joy and the suffering of his counterpart and to create the feeling of an inner kinship with this person. The sympathy usually arises automatically and apparently for no reason. Therefore, it can be difficult for the person concerned to justify why one person seems sympathetic to him fully and the other does not.
So sympathy is closely related to empathy. The more we empathize with the other person's feelings, thoughts, and actions, and the more we can empathize with them, the more sympathetic they are to us. Antipathy could therefore be based on a certain foreignness of the person, in the sense of the lack of comprehensibility of their words or actions from our subjective point of view.
Simply, sympathy works as follows: We are sympathetic to ourselves, and accordingly, people are more sympathetic to us the more they resemble us. Moreover, these people seem more predictable because we infer those of our counterparts from our thoughts, values, and actions, which quickly creates a high level of trust. So sympathy is also closely related to trust.
Usually, we speak of sympathy or antipathy very quickly. Either we want to get to know someone better, or we don't. This first impression is not realistic but a distorted picture of the person. We may find the new work colleague likable because she reminds us of our sister, or we find the new boss unsympathetic because he resembles a horror teacher from school. Therefore, it is good and vital that you learn to be aware of your feelings of sympathy or antipathy - but first of all, distrust them.
Because sympathy is never final, the tide can turn quickly as we find someone sympathetic. Perhaps you will expose him using a lie; over time, behaviors will emerge which are unacceptable to you, or he will make jokes at your expense that you do not find funny at all. And immediately, you see the once likable person repulsive. Such an error is often found in people with narcissistic or psychopathic traits. Such personality disorders are initially expressed through a high degree of charisma and sympathy. In the long run, however, you gradually expose the lies, manipulation, and emotional coldness that lie behind the facade. It is not uncommon for you to ask yourself afterward in disbelief how you could be so mistaken about the person.
Fortunately, the mechanism also works the other way round. It may be more difficult and tedious to convert an antipathy into sympathy than the other way around, but it is always possible. Sometimes you first have to know someone better to discover and appreciate their true qualities. Perhaps your colleague's laughter is too intrusive and loud for you initially, but you notice the funny and good-natured person behind it over time. Or the boss seems too dominant to you at first glance but suddenly appears very understanding, empathic, and human in a crisis - and your once negative image begins to change.
It is entirely up to you whether you appear friendly or not.
You can take advantage of this property of sympathy: In the end, it is up to you how sympathetic you appear to your counterpart - and you can change their opinion at any time. As mentioned earlier, sympathy is closely related to trust. Authenticity, charisma, and tolerance are other essential keywords. So which characteristics and soft skills should you work on, and how should you behave to be perceived as more personable in the future, not just in your job - with all the positive consequences that follow? We have compiled the most important dos and don'ts for you:
#1 Charisma:
Charisma is an important quality - if not the most important one - for your professional (and personal) success. And it has a positive side effect: those who are charismatic are perceived as likable. Some people were born with the charism and have been able to wrap everyone around their finger since childhood without any problems, in a positive sense. If, on the other hand, you are not blessed with this gift, you can still train your charisma and thereby indirectly improve your status as a person of sympathy.
#2 Tolerance:
Another fundamental trait related to sympathy is tolerance. On the one hand, people appear more sympathetic, the more tolerant towards your counterpart. On the other hand, passive behavior makes empathy possible in the first place. As already mentioned, people tend to feel antipathy towards people they perceive as "different" in some way. But it is not uncommon for it to be a mistake. So be careful, but be skeptical of your first impression. Give people the chance to transform your antipathy and gain your sympathy. So tolerance is the cornerstone of compassion - on both sides.
#3 Authenticity:
After all, you too do not want to be pigeonholed by your counterpart, but to be accepted and even better liked as the person you are. This brings us to the next point: authenticity. The more authentic a person is perceived, the more personable they appear. This does not mean that you should let every emotion run free in your professional life and say everything that comes to mind. But authenticity in the sense of inner serenity and unadulterated news is guaranteed to go down well with your counterpart. In addition, you would be unhappy in the long run if you always had to play a role in your professional or private social environment to feel valued and loved in a personal context. This would be highly stressful in the long run if at all possible. The result: You feel stressed, dissatisfied and maybe even exhausted - and this also radiates to your counterpart. On the other hand, if you are happy and at peace with yourself, you automatically appear more personable. Therefore, authenticity is a key to more sympathy and indirectly to your happiness.
#4 Honesty:
Authenticity has something to do with honesty - towards yourself and your social environment. The more honest you present yourself, the better your counterpart can assess you (realistically), and accordingly, you will appear more sympathetic to them. How so? Because trustworthiness can only be achieved through honesty.
#5 Trustworthiness:
And, as is well known, sympathy is closely related to trust: the more we trust a person - for whatever real or unrealistic reason - the more sympathetic they appear to us. Conversely, you will always feel antipathy towards a person whom you distrust.
#6 Criticism:
People with a high degree of critical ability are also perceived as likable. This means that you accept criticism of yourself and can implement it and has a lot to do with the way you criticize other people in your environment. You appear more sympathetic if you only blame the matter and never criticize people. In a conflict, this property can decide whether a disagreement can be resolved without consequences or whether it causes permanent damage. Do you see the difference? So in the future, pay more attention to your words when you criticize in a professional or private context - and you will be consistently perceived more sympathetically even in conflicts.
#7 Listening:
Whether and in what way you listen also determines the degree of sympathy your interlocutor feels for you. In principle, all people want nothing other than to be heard and feel understood and accepted. So put your smartphone down, do not concentrate on what you want to say next, but look carefully into the eyes of your counterpart and listen. Then pause for a moment, think about what you've said, then answer or ask further questions. Genuine interest and active listening are not only keys to more sympathy, but maybe even to true friendship.
#8 Name memory:
Another simple and effective trick to appear more personable is: Address your counterpart by name. Especially at the first meeting, for example, an interview, you make an impression with a good name memory. How so? Because it shows interest in the person that you memorized their name. In addition, it increases the trust between you and your counterpart if you address them by the correct name.
#9 Reliability:
To a large extent, trust also arises from reliability. So that you appear sympathetic not only at first but also at the second, third, and hundredth glance, you should stand by your words. The more reliable you are, the more predictable you appear in your environment. Your colleagues, superiors, or employees should also experience you as predictable and reliable concerning your moods, actions, or words. On the other hand, if you, as the boss, promise the employee a raise one day and break this promise the next, you will quickly find their antipathy - which leads us to the don'ts on our list.
Don't: This is how sympathy swiftly turns to antipathy.
#1 Egocentric:
Nobody likes people who always put themselves in the center and only care about their wants and needs. As is well known, life consists of giving and taking. However, those who only take sooner or later have a more unpleasant effect on their social environment. Therefore, say goodbye to egoism and self-centeredness.
#2 Know-it-all:
Know-it-alls were and always will be unpopular in kindergarten and school. It's just like that. By knowing better, you give the other person the feeling of being stupid. Or at least that you would be more innovative. You seem arrogant and unsympathetic.
#3 Irascibility:
Choleric people are unpredictable. One day you can talk to them and laugh very well - and the next, they suddenly go crazy because of a supposed little thing. Authenticity is all well and good, but as already mentioned, you shouldn't let all your emotions run free - especially in your professional life.
